Over the Rocky Cliffs
by MissMaryMason
Summary: [kyman] title from FineShrine by Purity Ring (not a song fic) the first in a series of fics that will be part of the affectionately named "Born to Die 'verse"


"I don't care if you think it's art. Anything that is classified as 'vomit gore' is disgusting and I'm not watching it."

"Babe, come on."

Kyle shakes his head and goes back to drying the last of the dishes and putting them away in the correct cabinets. "No, Cartman. I'm not watching it. You promised that I would get to pick the movie tonight."

"You always pick really lame movies, though." Cartman says under his breath, and Kyle can't hide the exasperation on his face as he turns to glare at his boyfriend. "When have I picked a lame movie? If anyone picks lame movies, it's you. _The Blair Witch Project_ is boring as fuck and that dumb soy sauce movie was so stupid that I'm pretty sure my IQ dropped." Kyle stands on his tiptoes so he can look him in the eyes as he pushes him out of his personal space.

"First of all, fuck you." Cartman eloquently begins. "Second, _Blair Witch_ is a classic and I told you to read the book before watching _John Dies at the End_, but when do you ever listen to me?" Kyle doesn't bother dignifying that with a response and instead stomps past to head for their bedroom where he throws himself onto their bed and boots up his laptop. Cartman trails after him, unsatisfied. "What's got your panties so in a twist anyway?"

Kyle scoffs, looking up at Cartman standing in the doorway with his hands on his hips as if he's the one that's been wronged. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe the fact that I get back from visiting my family and there's a llama eating my brand new chandelier? Or maybe it's just finding out that my boyfriend is a drug dealer and he just conveniently forgot to tell me until after our one source of income dried up?"

Cartman rolls his eyes. "You're overreacting." He narrowly avoids the laptop being thrown at his face. "You can't seriously still be mad about that stuff, can you?"

"Yes, I am still mad about it. There is a fucking llama in my living room, asshole!" Kyle closes his eyes and tries to get a handle on his temper, but it isn't easy.

When he'd had his huge existential crisis part way through his senior year of college and moved in with Stan and Kenny in Denver, he hadn't expected to run into Cartman. He just wanted to get away from the crippling fear of his future as he kept falling short of the goals he had set for himself. Becoming a doctor had sounded good in theory, but Kyle was pretty sure he wasn't actually cut out for it. But he'd spent his whole life thus far anticipating the day he'd be referred to as Doctor Broflovski, and the realization that that day would never come about was, needless to say, terrifying. He'd basically wasted his best years studying for something that wouldn't even matter.

As fate would have it, Cartman and Kenny worked together, however. Kyle hadn't been sure what exactly they did, he just knew they ran some sort of online business that was pretty successful. He thought he'd left everything horrible about South Park behind him, but he should have known that he'd never be able to cut the fat ass out of his life; he was just as inevitable as death and taxes.

He also didn't expect to discover that Cartman had turned into an honest-to-God grown up. His weight had settled to look more intimidating than comical on his 6'4" body and he'd definitely inherited his mother's good looks. His childish arrogance had been replaced with attractive confidence that for whatever reason pulled Kyle in, and before he knew it he was putty in Cartman's manipulative hands yet again. He _really_ hadn't anticipated falling in love with him, but life was crazy sometimes. One would think he would come to expect the unusual after the sort of fucked up childhood he'd had, but shit like this still took him by surprise.

After six months of dating, Kyle had moved in officially with Cartman, and things didn't actually go terribly at first. They had natural chemistry and fantastic sex, and they both often found themselves wondering how much more enjoyable high school would have been if they'd fucked their hate out then instead of just fighting all the time. That's not to say that they didn't still fight, but they did know when to back off and give each other space. Being private people anyway, this worked out fine for them. Kyle didn't have a job; Cartman had told him from the beginning that money would never be an issue because he was in a line of work that would never not be in demand and stupidly, Kyle believed him. Mostly though, Kyle was just thankful to take a step back and be able to breathe and not worry about what the next day would have in store. Being with Cartman made him feel safe and secure, almost like he was a kid again with no fears or worries or responsibilities. It felt like to him that he hadn't taken a break to relax and put himself first since before high school.

That was until Silk Road 2.0 was taken down, and then Kyle was reminded of just how much of a fucking idiot Eric Cartman was. Of course, even in adulthood, he couldn't stay out of trouble.

"Look, yes I know that things look bad, but would you be a little more optimistic? There are tons of addicts here in Denver, and the Silk Road wasn't the only drug trafficking site. Not to mention that Kenny has gotten us a fuck ton of deals with some nightclubs downtown-"

"Damn it, Cartman, I'm not worried about the fucking money!" Kyle yells. "I'm pissed off that you told me that you had everything under control and I had nothing to worry about, and the whole time it was a huge lie!"

"It was not a lie, Kyle, I do have it under control."

"Then why is there a _fuckin'_ llama in my fuckin' living room?"

"Will you forget about the fucking llama already?"

Kyle crosses his arms. "You want me to just forget that there is a petting zoo in our apartment." he states. Cartman crosses the room to sit on the bed next to Kyle, and he speaks in that stupid low voice that he uses to make Kyle feel like he's being the irrational one.

"A petting zoo with only one animal would be a terrible petting zoo, Kyle."

"I know that."

"What are you worried about?"

Kyle drops his head and tries to organize his thoughts. "We're not kids anymore, dude. We can't just get away with everything anymore. What you and Kenny are doing is illegal and you could go to prison, I don't think you're taking this seriously at all."

"Look at me." After a moment of refusing to meet his amber eyes, Cartman raises Kyle's head up with his hands and looks intently into his eyes. "Trust me. I know what I'm doing. Everything is going to be fine, I'm not going to get arrested, and after this all blows over, we can go to France or something and sell the stupid llama and drink overpriced wine or whatever else your gay little heart wants, alright?"

Kyle hesitates, because really no, it isn't alright and he actually wants to scream and cry a little bit, but then he nods. "Alright. Fine." Cartman kisses him, and then he pulls away and makes a big show of kissing his neck and his shoulder, down his arms and his wrist and pressing a kiss to his knuckles purely because he knows that showing Kyle's body even just this innocent attention embarrasses him. Sure enough, Kyle pulls his arm away and blushes fiercely. Cartman snickers. "You still wanna pick a movie to watch?"

"Not really. I kind of just want to go to bed." Kyle says honestly, then he gestures vaguely towards the doorway where the remains of his laptop lies. "And tomorrow you're buying me a new laptop."

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.: First fic of 2k15, and yes, I am in fact still kyman trash. so a lot of different things influenced this nonsensical little fic, including but not limited to this huge headcanon of mine that cartman would still be doing things of questionable morality as an adult. (and i really want an excuse to write a kyman prison fic one day) if this relationship seems unhealthy, then good, it's meant that way at least in the case of this particular fic. i wanted to portray it in a way that establishes that kyle isn't necessarily in a good place in his life and that's why he's okay with letting cartman get away with this. idk how well that came off. im not that great at ... stuff that isn't fluff, haha. oh, and the movie that they're talking about in the beginning is 'Slaughtered Vomit Dolls' and it's not as bad as Kyle thinks it is, but it's also not as good as Cartman thinks it is. also: i dont know how the llama got there or what purpose it serves other than to make kyle's life difficult. i just know kenny has something to do with it. <strong>

**okay, i think i've talked enough. please leave a review if you'd like and maybe follow me on tumblr ( missmarymason, of course ) if you think you might be interested in getting daily rants about kyle broflovski. alright, i love you all, and thank you for reading xx **


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